Uchihas Alive!
by Bubie and Polly
Summary: Itachi doesn't kill the Uchihas, continuing a peaceful life. Sasuke is now best friends and partners-in-crime with Naruto! Warning: Pre-Shippuden Sakura bashing. Just cause.
1. A new day arrives

In the Village of the Leaf, there stood a mountain. On this mountain were engraved faces of the past Hokages. On these faces were painted marks that made them look pathetic. The first Hokage had a bloody nose and a black eye. The second had buck teeth and was crosseyed. The third had lipstick and swirls on his cheeks. Finally, the fourth was crying and had a handlebar moustache. Hanging on the faces was a board of wood and on it was a boy. He had messy blonde hair, a pair of goggles and had on a plain white shirt, probably to not stain his famed jacket. It was instead tied around his waist. He was laughing at a job well done.

Naruto: Ha! I can't wait to see the look on their faces!

???: No need to wait, Naruto.

Naruto looked down to see a crowd of people watching him. The Third Hokage was also in the midst of the group. The people yelled at him, calling him pathetic and a loser, which saddened both the Hokage and the boy. Instead of crying, Naruto yelled back laughing.

Naruto: Losers! Wannabes! None of you have the skills to do something like this!

Naruto went back to painting, ignoring their banter. Hokage smiled, for the boy was just trying to make his own fun when they all hated him. He was left all alone, nobody liked him or sympathized for him. Suddenly, Iruka showed with a boy in tow. The boy had dark hair slicked back, obviously being the cool one. He also had a blue t-shirt with no collar, saying that it'll make him look like a fag. He wore khaki shorts and had on white arm and leg warmers. He too had on a pair of goggles. The Third Hokage frowned as Iruka angrily tugged at Sasuke's ear.

Iruka: I apologize for being late. I had to round up his partner in crime.

Sasuke: Dang it. I should work more on my stealth.

Iruka drew in a large breath and shouted at the top of his lungs.

Iruka: NARUTO!!! HOW DARE YOU RUN OUT OF MY CLASS!!!!!

Naruto: Iruka-sensei! Aw crap! You just had to get caught, Sucks K!

Sasuke: Screw you, Natto Balls. I was already tired from getting the paint-

Iruka slapped Sasuke in the back of the head. The Third shook his head and walked back to his office.

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Inside the class, Sasuke and Naruto are tied back to back on the floor. The class is laughing at them.

Iruka: Because you boys ditched my class in order to corrupt the mountain, I will now place a Copy Jutsu test on everyone!

Class: WHAT?!

A few minutes pass as most of the class has finished turning into a replica of Iruka. Only Naruto and Sasuke are left. Naruto poses and covers everything with dust. Iruka looks on to see a beautiful naked blond girl standing where Naruto was. Blood starts dripping out of his nose. Sasuke then gets behind her and poses. A dark haired beauty appears, posing with Naruta to make a pyramid. Iruka loses it and gets blown out of the class from the rush of blood.

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An hour later, the boys barely finish cleaning with Iruka watching them. They began walking along the street with their pails of dirty water in hand. It was all peaceful until Sasuke had a glint in his eye. Naruto turned to look at Sasuke, who was secretly flipping him off while scratching his chin. Naruto threw his pail at Sasuke while the Uchiha returned fire.

Iruka: BOYS! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!

Naruto: Sasuke is a horrible person. I'll never save him if we are on a team. He has a demon in him and everyone hates him!

Iruka (Shocked): Ngwhat?!

Sasuke: Back at you. Teammates are useless. Hope you run off like a pansy that makes dogs in order to destroy the village.

Iruka (Nervous): Hey there...

Naruto: Caged animal!

Sasuke: Spinning eyed bastard!

Iruka: Boys! How about a meal at the noodle shop?

Naruto + Sasuke: Cool!

Iruka sighed. The boys were treading on contriversial territory that they didn't even hear of. The sensei thought a change of subject could help them. He put his hands on the boys' shoulders and they all smiled towards the small restaurant. Unbeknownst to Iruka, the boys high fived behind his back.

The group at down on the long bench and waited till they were to be served. A shop owner chastises on Naruto and Sasuke's behavior before he asks them for what they want.

Iruka: Just a ramen, please.

Naruto: Miso ramen! Extra miso!

Sasuke: Sushi!

Naruto: Sushi? Lame!

Sasuke: Hey, the author isn't an otaku like the other fic-writers so let him choose the most generic japanese food that comes to mind.

Naruto: Fine.

They finally got their food and began eating. Iruka watched them intently. Naruto was garbling down the noodles while Sasuke slowly picks one sushi at a time.

Iruka: Naruto, Sasuke. What do you want to do for your future?

Naruto: To be the Hokage!

Sasuke: To be an ANBU like my brother.

Iruka: You two have dreams. Why waste them on pranks? Why not finally pass the test!

Naruto: I don't want to show off.

Sasuke: No, you just suck.

Naruto: You little!

Iruka watched them, the boys turning into men. Stupid men but men nonetheless. Naruto and Sasuke then took off their googles.

Naruto: We understand sensei.

Sasuke: That's why we're finally going to graduate.

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Iruka and the dynamic duo part ways and the boys stroll together. They stop at a fork in the road. The place has a lone bench with a bust of the Fourth Hokage behind it. A small garden of flowers grow around it while the stone sidewalk placed it in it's vertex. It's kinda like the place Sasuke and Sakura sat at the first time. Except one sidewalk leads to a festive community with bright lights and cheering. The other led to a barren, broken apartment. It looked desolate and inhabitable.

Naruto: Fun day huh?

Sasuke: You said it.

The two boys stare at each other, their eyes connecting and twinkling with passion. Suddenly, Naruto barfs out chunky onion soup type of liquid. Naruto starts laughing.

Naruto: You know I hate yaoi, you turd.

Sasuke: I love you Naruto.

He vomits again.

Sasuke: Looks like they're celebrating my brother's new raise.

Naruto: He gets everything, doesn't he?

Sasuke: Jealous?

Naruto: Not in the least! ......You, uh, wanna spend the night?

Sasuke: Nah, sorry. Whenever my brother celebrates, I gotta be there with him.

Naruto: Alright. Catch you later best friend!

Sasuke: Seeya, bester friend!

Sasuke runs home to see a riot rather than a celebration. In front of his own house too. Itachi is standing there, leaning against the door arms crossed. He is in his ANBU attire and is rolling his eyes.

Uchihas: How dare you protect your brother! He is friends with that monster!

Sasuke: What's going on?

All the Uchihas face him slowly. They all just stared at him for a minute. Itachi had an eyebrow raised. The crowd started swarming towards him. At the last moment, Itachi appears in front of him, sword half-drawn.

Uchihas: He is friends with Naruto! You madman! Teach your kin to respect the clan!

Itachi: The clan that made him? I already feel pity on all of us. Like we have any respect now.

The clan began to back away until they all retreated into their homes. One boy the same age as Sasuke stood there though. He had dark spiky hair that was combed down, making him look raggedy. He had on a white sleeveless shirt and dark green pants with a bandage wrapped around his right leg.

Sasuke: Kieru.

Kieru: Sasuke.

Itachi: Excellent mission today, Kieru.

Kieru: Thank you, senpai. The old man couldn't pay for an A-Rank mission so we obeyed the village's orders and drew back after we got him to his water village via motorboat.

Itachi: Did you listen to his story?

Kieru: We have heard it but it is merely a personal matter. I hope that the daimyo can take care of his own country.

Itachi: Understood.

Sasuke: That drunk dude? How did he end up having an A rank mission?

Itachi: Sasuke, please leave that for another time. Both of you, let's talk in a more quiet place...

Sasuke's home was quite basic for a residency. Just look at the examples in the manga and anime except with festive colors instead of emo darkness. The three of them sat around the low altitude table which I now call the Kneeling Table.

Itachi: Before mother and father come back, I want to talk about Naruto.

Kieru: Right. This whole protest was caused by him.

Sasuke: What's up with Naruto? He seems fine.

Itachi: |:[

Kieru: 8[

Sasuke: Besides his addiction to practical jokes and his idiocy in class.

Itachi: Yes, there is a secret about Naruto (Clasps his hands together). A fatal secret. DUN!!!!

Sasuke + Kieru: A SECRET!!?

Itachi: YES! BUT YOU MUST NOT REVEAL THIS SECRET TO ANYONE!

Sasuke + Kieru: WHAT IS THE SECRET THAT WE MUST NOT REVEAL TO ANYONE?!?

Itachi: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS THAT YOU MUST NOT REVEAL TO ANYONE!

Sasuke + Kieru: TELL US THE SECRET!!!

Itachi: IT IS..........not important-

Sasuke + Kieru: WHAT?!!

Itachi: Listen Sasuke. Don't hang out with Naruto anymore. It isn't his fault but he is a demon.

Sasuke: How can I avoid him just from that?

At that moment, Sasuke's parents walked into the house. They looked content with the day's work until they saw the three boys together.

Father: :[

Mother: 8[

Itachi: |:[

Kieru: 8[

Sasuke: ': |

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Inside the plain classroom were students that were trying to angst.

Boy: My father shall be avenged when I become the greatest ninja of all time!

Girl: War, travesty. It will end by the tip of my kunai!

Naruto sat up in the desks, away and alone from everyone. Suddenly, Sasuke walked in, now bearing a high collar.

Naruto: Sucks K! Over here! (Waves)

Sasuke ignored Naruto and sat at the very opposite side of the class. The class quiets and stares, murmuring amongst themselves.

Boy: They are sitting apart?

Girl: What's happening? Sasuke's finally coming to his senses?

Girl 2: I knew he'd give up on that loser...

Iruka then walked in, happy about the test he was about to give.

Iruka: Alright class. You are to make a doppleg-

Iruka became as silent as the class. Naruto and Sasuke are sitting apart and not talking. Was this a joke? It couldn't be...

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Mizuki: Alright Sasuke. Let's see your skills.

Sasuke: Sigh... (Poses) Shadow Clone Jutsu.

A clone of Sasuke appears next to him, just as sad as he was.

Iruka: Uh...great job Sasuke.

Sasuke: Sigh...

The clone poofs away and Sasuke turns to leave. Naruto walked in and they bump shoulders. Naruto looks up to Sasuke but gets no answer but

Sasuke: Sigh...(Walks off)

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Girl: Ha that Naruto loser couldn't pass!

Outside on the schoolyard stood all the graduates, with Sasuke being one. His goggles were replaced by a ninja headband. He stares at Naruto, who is sitting alone on a swing.

Mother: Useless child. He deserves it.

With that, Naruto runs off and out the gate. Sasuke reaches his hand out but couldn't move his legs.

Sasuke: Sigh...

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Sasuke began walking home, very depressed. He suddenly heard a voice behind the wooden gate he was walking along.

???: Master Mizuki? What are you doing here?

Mizuki: I have to tell you something.

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Naruto: Ninja Centerfold! Beautiful Woman!

The Third Hokage was instantly knocked out. Naruto laughed and ran through the hall.

Naruto: I gotta find that room! I have to graduate! I have to catch up to Sasuke!

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Naruto jumped onto the roof of a building, carrying a large scroll over his shoulder. He was about to reach the forest, the place Mizuki told him about.

???: Naruto!

Naruto turned to see Sasuke at the other end of the roof top.

Sasuke: Naruto? What is that?

Naruto: Sasuke? What's wrong with you today?

Sasuke: I...uh...

They both fell silent and caught their breaths. Sasuke was about to say something but he felt a presence.

Sasuke: Run. Someone's coming. I'll hold him off!

Naruto: We'll meet later.

Sasuke: Gotta go.

Naruto: Sasuke?

Sasuke: Yeah?

Naruto: Thanks.

Sasuke: W-well it was all I c-

Naruto: For being a baka!

Sasuke: You piece of-

???: Sasuke!!!

The mentioned ninja turned to see Kieru down in the street below. He had just finished a janitorial mission.

Kieru: Who are you talking to?!

Sasuke: Uh...myself! I'm being emo right now! (Turns to see that Naruto vanished)

Kieru: The hell?! Is that part of being an Uchiha too?! No wonder my mom was all pissy. You talking to Naruto anymore?!

Sasuke: No! My pop is strict on the rules!

Kieru: Well alright then! I'll report it to them!

As Kieru left, Sasuke began contemplating.

Sasuke: How bad was the fox?

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Sasuke walked into his home to meet his entire family at the Kneeling Table. Sasuke was confused.

Sasuke: What's up?

Father: Naruto. He-

Itachi: He knows.

Father: Do not speak in my place boy!

Itachi: Father. I can kill everyone of the Uchihas with my skill so don't think you're high and mighty.

Father: You can never EVER reach that level!

Sasuke: So does that mean I can talk to him now?

Itachi: Go ahead.

Father: Now wait just a minute! You have absolutely no authority to tell him anything! I'll have you know-

Sasuke: Cool! G'night!

While their father screamed as Sasuke ran up the stairs, Itachi smiled confidently.

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_Author's Note: Well this is my fic. It doesn't correctly parallel Kishimoto's story but doesn't have to since its in an alternate universe. Sorry for anyone expecting Zabuza and the water village. I don't plan to put them in. And sorry for not putting in the Naruto+Iruka+Mizuki part. (I'm pretty sure every Naruto fan knows that by heart so I didn't feel like typing it out.) And I made Sasuke a spotlight stealer. Sorry, won't happen later. And if any of you can find a better japanese term to replace my mumble-jumble, let me know. _

_Basically, don't expect a perfect translation of the story. Things won't happen and more will happen. It's a jump away from the norm and to the new._

_Go ahead and flame._


	2. Enter Konohamaru

Ch2

The next day came to Konoha, the Village of the Leaves or in the Leaves or whatever. The graduates were suppose to attend the photoshoot so Sasuke got their early. He didn't worry about Naruto anymore so he wore the collarless shirt. As he daydreamed in line, he saw the said boy walk onto the roof that the photos were going to be taken. He noticed the official headband on his forehead.

Sasuke: Wha?

Naruto: Iruka said I passed the test.

Sasuke: Oh. Congrats.

Naruto: Thanks.

Sasuke: Uh, sorry about being an emo yesterday. I highly doubt ANY chicks would dig that.

Naruto: It's cool, Sucks K. I'm a ninja now!

Sasuke smiled. His friend was finally tagging along and revealing his true skills.

Sasuke: What'd you do? You finally didn't hold back and easily made a clone to Iruka away from all our classmates cause you didn't want to show off?

Naruto: No no! I just learned cloning last night.

Sasuke: You mean you could never make a single clone for all these years?

Naruto: What- wait...

Sasuke: ':( You didn't fail on purpose....

Naruto: Baka! You couldn't do it either!

Sasuke: I did. I just didn't want to get ahead of you.

Naruto: :(

Camera Man: Uchiha! Sasuke!

Naruto: Hey, Sucks K. I got a plan!

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Third Hokage: ........

Both boys were sitting in the room, both in their own chair. Naruto was rubbing the back of his head while Sasuke was picking his ear with his pinky. The Third was looking at two pictures. One was Naruto posing with paint covering his face like a japenese kabuki dancer thingy. Next, the Third looked at Sasuke's picture. Sasuke had combed his hair over his face, reaching his chin. He was extra pale and was holding his face, which only showed his widened, frightened eye. Basically, he was the male representation of the Grudge.

Naruto: It was hard getting the right look. After all, we are both masters of art-

Third Hokage: Do it again.

Naruto+Sasuke: What?!

???: En Guarde, old man!

Suddenly, a little kid ran in the room. He had a long scarf and wore a hat that had a whole on top so hair could stick out. He held a shruiken and was about to throw it when he stepped onto his own scarf. The kid tripped and fell on his head. Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other and stared at the kid. The Third sighed.

???: Ha! That was a good trap!

???: Great prestige Konohamaru!!! Where did you go?!

Suddenly, a man with small sunglasses walked in. He wore a black body suit and had a headband cap on his head.

Konohamaru: Darn it! I couldn't get him!

???: I apologize, great leader.

Naruto+Sasuke: Who's the kid?

Konohamaru: Ebisu, (Points at Naruto) they must have made the trap!

Naruto: As if! (Gets up and grabs Konohamaru by the scarf) You tripped on your own feet.

Ebisu: Ah, that boy...If you lay one hand on the Third Hokage's grandson, you'll dearly pay!

Sasuke: Woah, woah, woah. The Third's grandson?

Konohamaru: Just try it punk! You wouldn't dare!

At that moment, Naruto punched him in the face. The Third sighed while Ebisu screamed.

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Naruto and Sasuke are at the noodle shop again, putting in their combined change to create enough money for a bowl of small swirled fish cakes. Naruto barfed, as Sasuke was eating naruto. Sasuke stopped and looked up. There was an obvious disfiguration with the background of the shop, as if someone was holding a camoflauge blanket sideways.

Sasuke: Is that you Konohamaru?

The said kid whipped away the blanket and revealed himself. Both Naruto and Sasuke were unimpressed.

Konohamaru: Ha! I knew you two were professionals! That's why I'm here with a proposal: Make me your disciple!

Naruto: Why would we do that?

Konohamaru: Cause I need to learn the Ninja Centerfold that defeated grandpa!

Sasuke: How do you know about that?

Konohamaru: Blood was everywhere! No other technique could do that to the great Hokage! Now teach me, boss!

Naruto+Sasuke: .....

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Konohamaru transformed into a chunky woman in a bikini that wouldn't have impressed anyone. The boys were sitting in the spa while Konohamaru stood on the edge. They were staring at him agitately.

Naruto: Wrong! Thinner! Taller!

Sasuke: With bigger boobs.

Naruto: With bigger...woah Sasuke!

Sasuke: Hey, I have mine and you got yours. Try looking into the other spas for studying.

Naruto: Good idea! Try this one!

Naruto got out of the spa and led Konohamaru to a good sized hole in the wooden wall. On the other side was the lovely Kurenai. She was shapely, curvy, and wet. She was standing in the water at the opposite side with her eyes closed.

Konohamaru: I understand now!

Naruto: Hey Sasuke look at this!

Sasuke: I already am.

Naruto turned to Sasuke, who was sitting in the water turned away from them. Sasuke was holding up a mirror. Naruto then turned back. A reflection of light was hitting Kurenai in the arm. The kunoichi looked at it then saw Naruto and Konohamaru. A split second later, Kurenai's foot was through the wall, sending the two flying. As Kurenai walked away, pouting, Sasuke surfaced from the water.

Sasuke: Oy....

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Ebisu began jumping on the rooftops, having sought the Third Hokage for information on the prestiged grandson. He landed on the roof of the school house. All three boys were there, looking at distant mountain.

Naruto: If you want to be hokage, you have to pass me.

Konohamaru: Well, it'll be a battle to the top then!

Ebisu: Stop right there, demon boy!

Naruto: (Turns) How dare you?!

Ebisu: Grandson, you must return with me.

Konohamaru: Fat chance! I'll beat you first! Harem jutsu! (Turns into a busty japenese babe covered by smoke)

Ebisu: Wah! How vulgar!

Konohamaru: (Turns back) It didn't work?

Ebisu: (Grabs Konohamaru's scarf) Now come with me! You shall not learn from misfits like them!

Sasuke: Misfit? I'll show you! Babe jutsu!

Sasuke transformed into a tall pretty schoolgirl. She has on a white uniform with a blue striped collar. Her butt is stuck up, pushing her short blue skirt up. She has dark, blue hair that reaches her waist. Sasuka posed with her left hand doing a peace sign on her hip while using her right hand finger to pull down his right eye. Her tongue is sticking out.

Sasuka (with girl voice): Ha! Now I will rule the world!

Ebisu: (stunned) What?

Sasuka: But first!

Sasuka grabbed her uniform and ripped it off. Underneath are bondage ropes all around her. (You know what they are, don't lie)

Ebisu: YAAAAH!!!!!!! (Slight nosebleed)

Naruto: My turn! Shadow clone jutsu!

In an instant, a good hundred clones of Naruto poof into existence. Sasuka and Konohamaru are surprised that the entire roof is filled with Narutos.

Naruto: Sexy Jutsu!

Suddenly, all the Narutos turned into blonde japanese two-piece swimsuit girls. All of them were holding random beach objects such as parasols or toy shovels and pails. Ebisu started dripping blood from his nose but had not lost sanity yet.

All the Narutas: Now! Mass Puff-Puff Jutsu!

Sasuka and Konohamaru stared at the girls, confused. All the Narutas cried in high pitch as their bras snapped. There was a loud BOING and Ebisu was sent across the village with a trail of nose blood as rocket fuel. Sasuka turned back to normal as the Narutas did. Sasuke clapped as Naruto walked up to Konohamaru.

Naruto: Can ya beat that?

Within Konohamaru's eyes were flames of passion, now set on a goal: Defeat Naruto and become Hokage.

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Author's note: Again, taking Naruto in a new direction. Next up is team assignment. Warning: Sakura bashing. Not that anyone cares :P


	3. Teams? Alright!

Within a shabby apartment lay Naruto. He was officially a Genin ninja and is supposed to be assigned onto a team today. He woke up and yawned as the sun made him aglow. With one gulp, he downs an entire carton of expired milk. He then walks over to the cupboard and ties on his well-deserved headband.

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"What's up Sasuke?"

"How's it going Sasuke?"

"Glad you passed, Sasuke!"

"Hey Sasuke!"

"Sasuke!"

As the duo walked down the hallway, a smiling Sasuke waved to several classmates. Naruto's head was down, glaring at his best friend.

Sasuke: Something wrong?

Naruto: Bitch.

Sasuke: Ass.

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Naruto and Sasuke sat behind one of the many long tables in the room. The entire place was bustling with congrats, taunts, and show-offs. Sasuke sat with his elbows on the table behind him while Naruto started bragging to anyone that passed.

Suddenly, something caught Naruto's eye. Sakura, his beautiful crush, walked into the room. Her hips swayed and her hair majestically rippled from her movements.

Naruto: Sakura! Over here!

Sakura: Shut the hell up, Naruto.

Sasuke: coughsLUT

Both Naruto and Sakura turned to Sasuke.

Sakura + Naruto: What'd you say?!

Sasuke: Uh...Naruto? Did you completely ignore Sakura's mean and thoughtless response?

Naruto: Any beautiful woman has the right to speak her mind!

Sasuke: Ah. Logical.

Sakura: You think you're all high and mighty, Uchiha.

???: What's this about Uchihas?

Rudely, someone spanks Sakura in the butt. Everyone turned to see the most infamous Uchiha of their level. He was smiling devilishly. He had a black spikey mohawk with spiked bangs covering his ears. He wore a black sleeveless shirt with the same khaki shorts as Sasuke. He wore one black glove on his left hand, the one on Sakura's rear.

Sakura: Uchiha Ninniku!

Ninniku (groping her): Uchihas aren't that bad. (Gets closer to her face) Especially in tight spaces, right?

Girls in the room: :D

Sasuke: :/

Naruto: 8o

Naruto: Who the hell do you think you are?

Ninniku: Ah, this boy...Fighting with you wastes my time. So I'd rather just watch as you fail as a ninja.

Naruto: Why you!

Ninniku: Come Sakura.

Sakura: I did.

Ninniku: TMI, lets go to the top rows.

Ninniku held Sakura by the waist and led her up. Naruto watched as Sasuke whistled.

Naruto: When did this happen?

Sasuke: What happened? Nothing happened between them.

Naruto: They're NOT going out?

Sasuke: No. Never even dated.

Naruto: Then why is she doing that!?

Sasuke: Popularity. Posing. Pretending to be "his girl" even when he has many. A groupee if you will.

Suddenly, Ino barged in angrily. She points to the area where Sakura and Ninniku are.

Ino: Sakura, how dare you touch my man!?

Sakura: Yours? Ha! As if!

Ino: Wanna fight?

Ninniku: (Whispers to Sakura) Fight for me, will you?

Sakura: Yes dear!

Sakura got up and began walking down the steps. Ninniku then gives her a kick to the rump, making her fall on Ino. A crowd congregates around the two as they stop moving. Sasuke and Naruto peek over to see that they are kissing each other. Instead of drawing back, however, they motion to continue what they are doing.

Sasuke: Yuri! (Faints)

Naruto: Sakura! (Looks up to see that Ninniku is clapping silently as people cheer them on.)

???: Okay, that's enough.

The crowd seperated, leaving the two on the floor. Itachi stood in front of the room with his arms crossed.

Girls: ITACHI-KUN!!!!

Itachi: Sure. Someone wake Sasuke.

Girls: WE WILL ITACHI!!! (All of them kick Sasuke into a concious daze)

Sasuke: What are you doing here?

Itachi: Iruka had a nosebleed so I have to fill in. I am now going to cite the three-man teams aloud. Quet down everyone.

Girls: OKAY!!!

Itachi began reading the teams. Naruto started discussing with Sasuke.

Naruto: Okay, we got a two man team here already.

Sasuke: We just need one more.

Naruto: Sakura! She'd make a great teammate (and mascot babe)

Sasuke:Yeah, some eyecandy would be good.

Itachi: ..., Naruto, and Sasuke. You three make a team.

Sasuke: Wait, can you repeat that?

Itachi: Sakura, .... Chouji, Shikamaru,...

Naruto: Aw crap! It's not Sakura?

Sasuke: Who do we have then?

Itachi: Alright everyone. Meet up with me later in the afternoon. Now is the time to socialize with your new team. Dismissed!

Sasuke: Broth-

In a spin, Itachi disappeared before the boys could get an answer.

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Naruto and Sasuke sat in a tree, thinking surprisingly deep for imbeciles like them.

Sasuke: Okay, we have to scout out our partner now. No one's come by to talk to us.

Naruto: Man, Sakura's not on our team!

Sasuke: Let's go ask around.

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Kiba: Duh?

Naruto: Are you on our team or not?

Kiba: No way in hell would I be in your team!

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Sasuke: Are any of you on my team?

Girls: No.

Sasuke: Damn, what the hell?

Kieru: Trouble?

Sasuke: Kieru! Where've you been?

Kieru: Around.

Sasuke: Wait...are you on our team?

Kieru: Uh...honestly. I don't remember.

Sasuke: What...

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Naruto walked down the main street. He spotted two people talking near the noodle shop. They had weird white eyes. One wore her headband around her neck while the other wore his modified one around his chest like a sash.

Naruto: Hey, are you guys on my team?

Girl: Naruto-kun. (Faints)

Guy: Hinata-sama! Are you alright?

Naruto: What just happened?

Guy: Your presence stains her. Begone!

Naruto: Wow, chillax dude.

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Sasuke: Are you on my team?

Ino: Um, nah Sasuke. Sorry.

Kieru: Are you on mine?

Ino: No, you're with Ninniku I think.

Kieru: Oh, problem solved.

Sasuke: You with Ninniku. That's a pretty big contrast.

Kieru: Eh. Whatever works. Seeya (Runs off)

Sasuke: Seeya then Ino.

Ino: Wait!

Sasuke: Hmm?

Ino: I-I, no, y-you need help?

Sasuke: I'm good. Thanks though.

Ino: Oh...

Sasuke: Something else?

Ino: NO! I mean, nothing. Bye. (Runs off)

Sasuke: Bye?

--------------------------------------------------------------

Shino: No.

Naruto: Oh.

----------------------------------------------------------

The duo met up at the fork in the road.

Sasuke: Find anything?

Naruto: Just that Sakura, Kiba, and Shino are a team.

Sasuke: Ino's with Shikamaru's.

Naruto: Crap. What now?

???: Naruto.

They both turn to see the aforementioned white eyed dude staring at them.

???: I'm sorry from before. My name is Kaji.

Kaji wore only black ninja pants and the headband sash. His short hair parted to one side, glistening with gel.

Naruto: Kaji? What are you doing here?

Kaji: Do you not recognize your teammate?

Naruto + Sasuke: Huh?

???: Kaji-san!

Hinata burst past the trees and behind the Byakuganist.

Kaji: Hinata.

Hinata: Naruto-kun!

Naruto: Hi.

Kaji: Hinata, I have business to attend to. Good bye for now. (Jumps away)

Naruto and Sasuke stare at the girl, whom was intimidated easily. Suddenly, Hinata burst out.

Hinata: I wish us luck as a team! (Runs off)

Sasuke: Hey, did you even see her in the class?

Naruto: I don't recall her at all.

Sasuke: Strange.

Naruto: Indeed.


	4. Pass or Fail

Itachi: Okay. Please sit down.

Girls: OF COURSE, ITACHI-KUN!!!

Kiba: Shut the hell up!

Itachi: Anyways, I will now assign you an instructor.

All the Genin sat in the classroom patiently as Itachi began citing.

Itachi: Ino, Chouji, Shikamaru. You are with Asuma.

Shikamaru: What a pain.

Itachi: Kieru, Ninniku, Kaji. Your instructor is still Kakashi. Kieru, I hope you can remember this time.

Kieru: Sorry.

Behind one of the tables sat the team of NaruHinaSas. Naruto smiled widely with his arms crossed, Hinata was making risky glances towards the former, and Sasuke fell asleep on the table.

Itachi: ...and Sakura, Kiba, and Shino. You are with Kurenai.

Sakura: Yes. Women rule!

Kiba: Why did we have to get you...

Itachi: Alright, everyone leave to your corresponding locations.

Naruto: Wait, you didn't tell us our teacher!

While everyone left, Itachi smiled at the three and pointed at himself.

----------------------------------------------------------

The newly formed team sat at on the roof of the school cross-legged. Casual, humorous background music began playing.

Sasuke: So why are you teaching, brother?

Itachi: They were a little short so I decided to help out. Now, can you guys introduce each other?

Naruto: You go first chief. I'm still planning my speech.

Itachi: Alright. My name is Itachi Uchiha. I am the son of the chief of police and brother of an oaf.

Sasuke: Turd.

Itachi: Girls seem to be infactuated to me, even though I'm another generation away. And I have expertise with ninjitsu. Go Naruto.

Naruto: I will become Hokage!

Itachi: That's good. Sasuke.

Naruto: Hey!

Sasuke: Same as my bro's.

Itachi: Name?

Sasuke: Sasuke...(glares at the camera) Uchiha...

Itachi + Naruto: GASP!

Sasuke: Yeah.

Itachi: Alright. Finally, you are.

The three boys looked over to the forgotten girl at the very end. She was blushing heavily and twiddled her fingers like crazy. When all the eyes were on her, she looked down.

Hinata: I'm Hinata.

Itachi: Cool. Okay, we're going to begin a test right now. If you don't accomplish by the end of today, you'll flunk.

Naruto: Now?!

Itachi: The rules are simple. Just touch me.

Sasuke: Well that doesn't seem ha-

Itachi: Begin! (Disappears in a poof of smoke)

Naruto: What!

Sasuke: Okay. We gotta get him.

Naruto: He could be anywhere!

Hinata: I ca-

Sasuke: We will just have to jump around town. We'll split up. If you find him, then holler.

Naruto: Go!

The two boys hopped off, leaving a flustered Hinata alone.

-------------------------------------------------

Itachi: Thank you.

Itachi sat in the restaurant to eat his favorite food. As he began chewing, Sasuke burst through the entrance. The customers screamed as the brothers began jumping everywhere.

Sasuke: Your favorite restaurant! I knew it!

Itachi: Lesson #1. Taijutsu.

Itachi kicked a table so it began flipping towards Sasuke. The boy flipped with it and landed on it as it skidded into a wall. Sasuke then dove at Itachi feetfirst. Itachi bent backwards, letting Sasuke pass. Sasuke then did a handstand and swung a kick back. Itachi saw it and did a dive over. Itachi then dove out the door. Sasuke chased but lost track of where he went.

------------------------------------------------

Itachi walked into an alley. He was drinking from a canned drink with a straw as he strolled through. At the end of it stood Hinata. She was scared, he could tell. Itachi made a hand sign. Suddenly, Narutos began rising from the ground. They were all zombified, with many broken, injuries, and rotting flesh.

Itachi: I wonder if your will is strong at all.

Hinata looked horrified. Narutos. All dead but walking. In her mind, though, she would not believe it. She put up her hands.

Hinata: Byakugan!

Suddenly, chakra flows were visible to her. All the Narutos lacked the chakra structure of humans, which confirmed her theory. Itachi looked impressed. Hinata ran through the Naruto zombies, bursting all of their illusionary frames.

Itachi: Lesson #2. Genjutsu.

As Hinata came up to Itachi, he poofed away.

Hinata: Huh? But he looked normal...

---------------------------------------------------

Itachi looked at the distance, looking at all of the village from atop a roof.

Itachi: Lesson #3. Ninjutsu.

Itachi turned around to see 5 Narutos running at him. Itachi made a hand sign.

Itachi: Fire style. Beast Plume!

Itachi shot out fire from his mouth at his adversaries. The fire then shaped into a large lion. The Narutos skidded to a halt as the lion ran at them. It pounced on each one of them, poofing them away. Itach noticed one of them got past and jumped towards him. His eye instantly changed and he glared at Naruto. He made eye contact and blew the clone into dust. Itachi then jumped off the roof, leaving a hiding Naruto very pissed off.

--------------------------------------------------

The trio regrouped in the noodle shop. The sun had began to set, casting the village in an orange glow. They sat there, pissing off the owners.

Naruto: Okay. We gotta think this through.

Sasuke: What skills do we have?

Naruto: I can make a hell lot of clones.

Sasuke: I know how my brother works.

Hinata: I can see.

Sasuke: Um, sorry but we can too.

Hinata: No no no. Not like that.

Naruto: Like what?

Sasuke: Like a Sharingan or something?

Naruto: What the heck is that?

Hinata: Something like it but, I mean, it's different.

Naruto: Show us.

Hinata looked at the two boys and felt her head get heavy. She put up her hands.

Hinata: Byakugan!

Instantly, her eyes turned completely white while veins surrounded them. Suddenly, intense music started playing, reving your souls up.

Sasuke + Naruto: GwhAT!?

Hinata: Itachi-san is right outside.

Naruto grasped the curtains and opened them. Sure enough, Itachi was waving back at them outside.

Naruto: Get him!

The three ran outside and chased Itachi to the roof. Naruto made an army of clones that stampeded at Itachi. Many of them stumbled off, impeding their run. Itachi disappeared in the midst of the chaos.

Sasuke: Where is he now?

Hinata: Going towards th-the school.

Sasuke and Hinata ran ahead as the clones swarmed the school from everywhere. Itachi scaled the building as all of them gave chase up the stairs and the walls. When Naruto got up there, however, Itachi was nowhere to be found. Just his clones.

Hinata: Over there!

Hinata pointed across the roof at a Naruto clone.

Narutos: Die!!!

A massive dogpile formed. However, Itachi flipped past all of them. Hinata jumped but went too high and went over him. Itachi turned to flee but Sasuke stepped in his way. He put his index finger on Itachi's forehead. Everything stopped.

-------------------------------------

Itachi: You all pass.

The trio cheered as they sat at that fork in the road. Itachi made a bonfire in the middle of it. Sasuke was laying on the bench while Naruto and Hinata sat against it. Itachi leaned on a tree.

Itachi: There was a reason to the test.

Naruto: Teamwork.

Itachi: Exactly.

Sasuke: We made a good one.

Naruto: Alright sensei. Where are the marshmallows?

Sasuke: (Punching Naruto in the face) You pig!

Itachi: Sorry Naruto but we Uchihas have another party today.

Naruto: Again!?

Sasuke got up and walked down the road with his brother, both of them waving back. Now it was just Naruto and Hinata in front of the fire.

Hinata: ....

Naruto: So, uh, you have a curfew or anything? I don't have any parents so I can make mine up.

Hinata: Naruto-kun?

Naruto: What's up?

Hinata: What is it like, without parents?

Naruto: Oh its great! I don't have to clean my room! I can eat as much as I want!

Hinata: Are you ever sad?

Naruto: Huh? Well...yeah. I guess you can say that. Why do you ask?

Hinata: ...S-someone I know is like that too.

Naruto: Is that right?

Hinata: Yeah.

Naruto: Um. Want me to walk you home?

Hinata: Huh?!

Naruto: You live a good while away and its kinda dark.

Hinata: What about you, Naruto-kun?

Naruto: Me? My road has always been dark.

-------------------------------

Sasuke and Itachi listened from behind a tree.

Sasuke: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN that was deep.

-------------------------------

Naruto walked up the street with Hinata trailing him.

Naruto: I think its best if you lead. I don't know where we're going.

Hinata: Oh!

Hinata felt ashamed. This whole time, Naruto blindly led her into village. With her head down, she rushed up in front of him. She didn't see his foot however and tripped. Naruto caught her as she fell.

Naruto: Hinata! Sorry about that!

Suddenly, Hinata stood up on her own and started walking away from a confused Naruto.

Hinata: (Dreaming) I...wa...

Naruto shrugged and began walking.

-------------------------------------------------

They stood in front of the compound, which looked haunted at night.

Naruto: Wow, this place is huge!

Hinata: Thank you Naruto-kun.

Naruto: No problem.

They both stood there, the silence envelopping them.

Naruto: I have no clue why I'm standing here.

Hinata: Oh...

-------------------------------------------------

Sasuke: :(

Itachi: :|

---------------------------------------------------

_Author's note: The hell is ScriptFic? This is? Didn't know this was against the rules. Well, I just know that if anyone that has actually contributed stories to the fanfiction society and not just make reviews and be critical can understand my hesitation to deleting this. Maybe I can change it up though that might take me time and I'm lazy :P_

_Read and bitch-I mean, review. Fire-jutsu it if you want._


	5. Piggies

Sasuke: I see it too. Naruto, close in.

Naruto: Copy that...I'm above it.

Sasuke: Okay, White Trap! Swarm!

Both Naruto and Sasuke charged at the beast after they cornered it into a dark alley. The monster roared and sidestepped. Sasuke ran straight through the wooden wall, crumbling it instantly. Naruto fell on the floor where the beast had been but it ran through the hole Sasuke made. Naruto and Sasuke started dashing at the creature, both fumbling in their steps.

Hinata was posted behind a lampost a ways away from the contact zone. Unlike the two idiots, she had a near 360 visual zone. Sasuke and Naruto led the target straight to the quarentine point, right next to Hinata.

Hinata: 3...2...1...

Hinata spun off the lampost and held her arms out. An innocent looking cat hopped onto her. It had a ribbon on its ear so the target was correct. It purred into a gentle sleep as Hinata held it. Naruto and Sasuke stopped in front of Hinata, huffing and puffing. They both had random garbage on them.

Hinata: I-I could've went in too...

Naruto: Nah(Huff)Senseiwantedmore(pant)teamwork.

Sasuke: Wecould've(huff)letyoudoitbyyourself.(huff)It seems to likeyou.

Hinata: Sasuke-kun! Naruto-kun!

----------------------------------------------------

An old woman hugged the cat exaggerately. As she walked away, however, the cat stared back at Hinata and waved. Hinata waved back happily, making Naruto and Sasuke hang their heads in shame. Itachi stood behind them, shaking his head. Iruka and the Third sat behind a counter on the opposite side of the room.

Third: That took quite a long time.

Naruto: Sorry, my plans always take dedication.

Itachi: Whatever. Another mission please.

Naruto + Sasuke: What? Already!

Itachi: You guys wanted to be cool ninjas. So nows your chance. How about a C-ranked one?

Naruto: Sweet!

Sasuke: Narly!

Itachi: But you guys said-

Naruto + Sasuke: We were kidding!

Iruka: You boys are so-

Third: Alright then. A tour mission.

Sasuke: Tour?

Third: Yes, you must show some travelers their way around.

Naruto: Can't they do that themselves?

Third: The problem is that they don't have enough money to stay in their own housing.

Naruto: So?

Naruto looked at everyone, whom was all staring at him. A minute passed before Naruto said

Naruto: Crap!

---------------------------------------------

The team stood in front of the gate. They had been waiting there for the travelers for some time now. The two guards in the small hut next to the gate stared at Naruto weirdly.

Itachi: Its rude to stare.

The two guards looked at each other questionably. Then they lounged in their chairs again.

Naruto: Man, why is this taking so long?

Hinata: They must have traveled a long way.

Sasuke: What are they here for?

Naruto: Find out in the next chapter of-

Itachi punched him in the head. Itachi's patience too was draining. The people came from the Village of Rain. He heard news that a rebellion had started against the government there and now they are independent.

Itachi: Government?

Sasuke: What's up?

Itachi: Oh, nothing. Just thinking to myself.

Naruto: There they are!

Outside on the road walked three figures. Two of them had threatening looking masks and were covered by large cloaks. They seemed to be chained together.

The third one dressed differently. The person wore a foreign looking helmet. It had a spike on the very top sticking up. Cloth draped from the headgear to cover the entire head except for the front. His facial features were unreadable because of a mask that covered his mouth and nose, similar to Kakashi's. His robe was white with extremely long sleeves. Various belts were strapped around the person, which seemed to be holding a backpack. The tail of the robes wrapped around his waist, letting his ninja pants be seen. They were similar to Kakashi's too, only that his pants were white.

Robed dude: Hey there. You must be Naruto.

The man sounded like a teenager despite his large height. The two lookalikes stood up correctly, matching the height of their partner.

Twins: Piggies!

Sasuke: Huh?

Robed dude: Sorry, they're probably hungry. We had a long walk.

Twins: Dead piggies!

They pointed at each one of the people there. Even Itachi.

Hinata: What's wrong with them?

Robed dude: So! Who's house are we staying in?

Everyone pointed at Naruto.

------------------------------------------

Twins: Piggies!

The team and the new trio sat in Naruto's apartment. It stank upon their entrance so Sasuke, Hinata, and Itachi sat there holding their noses. The two brothers had on breathing masks.

Naruto: It's not that bad!

Robed dude: It kind of is. You should crack a window at some point.

Itachi: Ngo! Dat mite contamate da ngtire veelage!

Twins: Piggies!

Sasuke: So ngwhats happning in da wain vellage?

Robed dude: The Rain Village? Well remember that old dude your village escorted to us? The Demon brothers, these two, kidnapped him after you guys sent him on that motorboat alone. Our governor, Gato, held him for ransom to the entire village. The old man was the only one that could build the bridge to their freedom but they couldn't risk saving him.

Hinata: (Gasped, soon regretting it) Ded he - ded he?

Robed dude: Die? Almost. You see, Gato had a mercenary ninja named Zabuza.

Itachi: Oh, hem.

Naruto: Who's that? Sounds like a mutant zebra.

Itachi: Where da fock ded you ged dat from? Anyway, Zabugza is a ifamos nija ing ow bingo book.

Robed dude: Yes. Zabuza was hired to hunt down the old man's family. Zabuza's apprentice, however, convinced him that Gato was the one at fault after the old man's grandson convinced him. The two then assassinated Gato and his mob as they prepared to execute the old man in public.

Naruto: I wonder why the team that led him there just left? I mean, the old man must've told them all this yet they still sent him on his way alone.

Itachi: Da mashin was See rank. So Caca-shi's team regarded id as one.

Naruto: Well they should've still gone. I mean, NO ONE IMPORTANT would've died!

Sasuke: Ogay...

Naruto: Did you just call me gay?!

Demon Bros: PIGGY!!!

-----------------------------------------------

Itachi and Hinata stood outside the room as various explosions came from within from the fighting. Itachi turned to Hinata, who seemed traumatized and pale from lack of air.

Itachi: Hinata, make sure you don't turn into them.

Hinata: I'll t-try.


End file.
